Thursday, September 5, 2013

Blogtember: Advice from the Princesses

I can't think of any useful advice that you will actually benefit from, so instead, I'm going to be telling you about what I learned from Disney. 

Snow White taught me to never take food from a stranger. 
Or anything for that matter.  Food, drinks, candy, conversation, nothing. You never know what someone might have done to it!  Haven't you ever heard about not taking the free candy from the man in the white van? He is probably trying to either drug you, rape  you, or both.  Same goes for drinks at a party.  Never leave your drink unattended! Just be cautious of what you ingest. 

Aurora taught me that pretty girls don't even need to be conscious to get some action.
So, while she is walking through the woods, she meets a stranger.  But it's okay because they have seen each other in a dream.  First of all, she is breaking rule #1, "Don't talk to strangers!" Then, she goes and gets herself in trouble, resulting in becoming unconscious and the stranger dude has to come save her by kissing her.  They don't even know each other, why is he kissing her?  Because she's hot and he wants in her pants, that's why.

Jasmine taught me to never settle for a guy until you are positive your father will hate him.
 She actually has it pretty good at her palace.  Her dad cares about her and isn't really enforcing the rule that she has to get married.  However, she becomes a little brat and won't even look at the guys he has chosen for her to choose from.  That is, until she meets the ONLY guy her dad would never approve off, a homeless street rat who steals from the market.

Cinderella taught me that losing my shoe at a party means a hottie will search high and low for the owner.
Seriously, guys do not care that much about you to return your shoe, especially after ditching them all of a sudden.  AND if they did try to find you, they probably hooked  up with some other girl after you left, so they aren't even worth your time.

Mulan taught me that as long as you are trying to protect your country, it's okay to pretend you are a man. 
I get that cross dressing is a little different for men than it is for women.  Women have more freedom in what they wear.  However, I draw the line when hair is chopped, voices are changed and the person tries to ACT like a man.  Just be yourself.  Being lied to sucks monkey balls and no one is going to appreciate it, especially that cute guy who thinks you are a guy.  Stop being confusing, Mulan!

Ariel taught me that abandoning your entire life for one date is perfectly acceptable.
 I don't know about you, but my family, friends, and my body mean a lot to me.  There would be no way I would trade any of them for a man, no matter how hot I think he is.

Belle taught me to never judge a book by its cover.
This is some pretty sound advice.  That is until you realize that she basically sold herself to a guy, who isn't even human, in order to save  her father.  I'm all for not judging people, but jeez Belle, have some common sense.  Now you have your father all worried about you.  What did you really solve by switching places?

OH! and don't forget that we will all live happily ever after.

Hopefully these princesses taught you something new today, or at least gave a good chuckle.  :]


Rachel said...

And that's why it's a good thing they are fairytales and not real life!

The Random Writings of Rachel

Helene said...

i absolutely love your take on this!!!

Angel said...

I love your view on this!!! even though I am a total disney girl at heart