Tuesday, December 24, 2013

12 Days: Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I went into this Christmas season with high hopes.  This year was going to be perfect.  I would enjoy the time of giving and love every second of it.  That is, until all of my expectations were ruined almost simultaneously.

I wanted to look at all of the Christmas light displays around town.  I wanted to go to the snow.  I wanted my boyfriend to come to my house on Christmas morning for an elaborate breakfast and gift opening.

Unfortunately, he had his gallbladder removed on December 9th and it ended up being more severe than expected due to the size of the stones.  His week or two recovery instantly turned into a 5-6 week recovery (Hopefully).  That means, all of my Christmas expectations were shattered.  That job he was going to start in January, probably not going to happen.  Another set back to my plans.  Our plans. 

It seemed as if our lives were finally about to move on.  He would be able to get me that ring we have joked about for years now, which to me means the possibility of a house, kids,  a life together.  Yeah, I know we are still together and will be forever, but for some reason, a ring would just make that feel more permanent.

After realizing that all of my dreams and expectations had been shattered, mixed with a little homesickness, I came home and balled my eyes out until I finally fell asleep.  I had never cried myself to sleep before and I must say, I don't think I want to ever do it again.

Santa, this Christmas, I want to ask you to speed up time and help me feel like my life is moving forward.  Last night, I got to hold a baby until she fell asleep for the night.  I can't even begin to describe how perfect the moment felt.  The baby in between her uncle and I.  I wanted the moment to last forever.  I wanted that baby to be mine.

Because my wish is impossible, even for the magic of Santa Claus, I just ask that you give me back my Christmas spirit.  Help me to realize that even though my expectations were shattered, it isn't the end of the world.  Life moves on and there is always next year.  I want to be able to enjoy this year, without the frustrations and sadness.  Christmas isn't about things and memories, it's about loving one another, like Jesus did after his birth. 

Until Next Year,


P.S.  I ordered it late, but if you could get the delivery men to bring me that coat?  I would greatly appreciate it!

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